kristywyatt.com Pain

Feel The Pain

If you’ve read my blog before, you’re likely familiar with how often I talk about mind frame and keeping a positive attitude. In my post about a victim’s mindset, we see how that mindset can be self-destructing. Important as all that is, there are times where it is healthy to stop and just feel the pain.

We’ve all had painful times in our lives. The loss of a life’s work, the loss of a friendship, a victim of abuse, you or someone you love fighting serious illness, the death of someone close to you, the death of your child, the death of a spouse, or in my situation, divorce. All of these can bring us to our knees. And while we may hate it, the pain is necessary.

There are five stages of grief, and grief would be felt in any of these situations.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

This can be a bit misleading, however, because it’s rarely felt in order and people will likely visit some of these stages more than once.

The stages of grief are what we experience. But what if we derail our grief? Would we ever move past the situation? Would we ever heal?

As you know, the tagline for my blog is “Real life. Real Faith. Real Women.” Well, prepare yourself, because I’m about to get real. I derailed my grief. One of the first things I did askristywyatt.com pain a single: start this blog. I wrote about hard times, remaining positive, staying in the right frame of mind, etc. And I still think these are all important. But I missed something. I refused to let myself feel too much. Sure, there were moments I’d succumb to the pain. But then I’d say something to myself like, “Suck it up. You’re too blessed to be crying. You have kids and a job. You don’t have time for a pity party.” So I’d throw on a little mascara and a smile, and I’d go on.

By doing this, I’d done myself a disservice. I filled my days until they were so tightly packed that I ran out of time to do much thinking or feeling at all. I kept busy and gave the persona that I was doing well. Until one day I just couldn’t anymore. My body gave out. My mind gave out. I was so physically and emotionally exhausted from denying myself grief, that all I could do was lie there.

Deadlines suddenly didn’t mean a whole lot to me. I wasn’t concerned with keeping appointments. The kids even missed a couple of sports practices. It’s like I went completely out of commission. No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I couldn’t hold back the grief. I tried reading uplifting things. I tried listening to the amazing podcasts that inspire me. But it didn’t work. And then, I cried.

Grief hit me like a tsunami and suddenly everything I’d tried to ignore for the last five months cashed into me and I crumbled. The pity party that I tell people not to attend, oh yeah. I threw one heck of a pity party for myself. I hated every single moment of it. I cried out to God. I yelled. I sobbed. I mourned the relationship I’d had for eighteen years. I mourned the future we should have had. I became angry. I fell into a black hole of desperation. And it was good.

I’ve realized that I have to let myself feel. There has been a significant change in my life. Of course there are feelings. Of course I need to deal with them. If we don’t embrace grief, we can’t heal. If we can’t heal, we will never move forward. We will stay where we are, carrying the weight of all we’ve lost. We’re not made to do that.

We must remember that Jesus came before us. He felt everything we’ve ever felt. Think about that. Our greatest joys, our greatest sorrows. He’s felt it all. We may think that no one understands what we’re going through, but I can promise you that at least one being does completely understand.  Jesus.

Not only did He experience it, He showed us how to handle it. How often we forget that there is an instruction manual. We have the bible! He shows us how to handle the hardest of times with grace. He shows us by example how to keep the faith. He tells us 365 times not to be afraid. Ladies, we can’t get so lost in ourselves that we forget to seek kristywyatt.com feel the pain 2Him. He is here with me through this. He is there with you through your struggles. We only have to allow ourselves to feel to know.

Grief is no joke. It hurts, and that’s a huge understatement. But it’s necessary. My grieving time is far from over, but I feel lighter somehow. I’ve moved forward. I’m beginning to heal.

We aren’t meant to do this alone. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone to help you through it. God created community for a reason. Churches everywhere will welcome you. There are support groups for every situation. And most of all, continue to seek the Lord.

Love and prayers to all of you.

Click here to submit a prayer request.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

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“Hold My Heart” by, Tenth Avenue North

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kristywyatt.com judgment

In The Presence Of Judgment

Several people have told me over the years, “I can’t quite figure you out.”. It’s true. I’m a bit of an enigma. By nature, I have the traits of an artist – messy, unorganized, procrastinator, can get lost for hours in writing or music – but by day, I work in an accounting department where I manage to stay organized and efficient. I struggle with anxiety and depression, but I love nothing more than to make people laugh and I tend to give off a “happy” vibe. And though I have a broken heart, I have a blog telling other women it will all be alright.

kristywyatt.comIt’s easy to understand why one might be confused about me. But like you, I have many layers, many sides to who I am. We’ve all been through great times and hard times, and each experience has helped to shape us into the person we are. We have scars – physical and emotional – that we carry with us every day. We have triggers that bring up memories – pleasant and unpleasant.

Still, I’m often misunderstood. I get the impression many of us are. We form opinions on others. We interact with them once, maybe a few times, and then decide if we “like” that person. We may dislike their arrogance. We may judge a woman for her weight – too heavy, too thin. We may decide someone is a snob because she didn’t speak to us. We do this every day. We form our opinions based on interactions we have with them, or what we see of them. But allow me to challenge you here. Is it possible you don’t know the whole story? Is it possible your opinion is wrong?

Perhaps that “arrogant” person has been hurt by someone so deeply that what you kristywyatt.com judgmentperceive as arrogance is, in fact, a wall they built up to protect themselves? What if the woman who’s too heavy has a thyroid problem, and the person who’s too thin has someone whispering in her ear that she isn’t good enough until she loses more weight? What if that “snob” suffers from social anxiety because she was bullied growing up? We only saw one layer of these people instead of realizing there is a whole person in there, and then we judged them.

I am judged daily. I’m willing to bet you are too. I’m overweight. I’m a single mom. I’m a Christian. I have some gray hair. I color my hair to cover the grays. Sometimes I curse. Sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I fail. And every day, people judge me. And every day, people judge you. And every day we judge others. I know, I tried to deny it too. But if we’re being really honest here, we’ll see that we do. We’ve all been in situations where we’ve judged someone.

So how do we stop judging?

  • We have to look at them with our “Jesus glasses” on. Jesus showed kindness, acceptance, and love to all. The adulterer, the lame man, the poor, the list goes on. No one was below Him. We are called to live that way. He was perfect! He owed no one anything. If anyone had a right to judge, it would have been Him. But He didn’t. Who are we to think we have that right?
  • Stop participating in gossip. Someone is always talking negatively about someone. What is the point of that? What are we kristywyatt.com judgment3hoping will happen with that exercise? Do we want others to dislike the same person we dislike? Why? To validate our feelings? Do we even know what we’re saying is true? And so what if it is true? Our list of sins is long, is it not? Just remember while we’re talking negatively about someone else, someone is likely talking about us. One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
  • Pray for those who judge you. Ooh. This one is hard. It is human nature to want to argue your point and prove you’re a “good person”. I’ve been judged unfairly – I get it. And as someone who likes to be liked, it bugs the crap out of me when someone judges me. We have to remember, though, that their judgment is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of them. When we look at it from that angle, we realize that they need prayer. They may be lost. They need to see how Jesus treated the least of these. When someone has the love of Christ in them, and are truly seeking God, they start to view all people as His. Imperfect is perfectly okay. Jesus has got us covered.

In closing, I’d like to say that we all struggle in this area to some degree. Be prayerful about it. God will show you where you need to work on this. He’s helped me a lot in this area. And when you’re the one being judged, say a prayer. Respond with kindness. It isn’t enough to tell people we believe in a loving and forgiving God, we must live it. We must show it through our actions how much His forgiveness and acceptance has changed our lives.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

“‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me’” Matthew 25:40

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

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“When Love Broke Through” by TobyMac AMAZING VIDEO!!!

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kristywyatt.com it is written

It is Written

You know those times when it doesn’t just rain, it pours? The times where not just one or two things go wrong, but everything seems to go wrong? We try. Things fall apart. We try harder. More things fall apart. It can throw us into desperation, frustration, and sometimes depression. And while some might say all of this means you’re going down the wrong road, and you need to try something different or go in a different direction, I say it may very well mean you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

When we live life for ourselves, and focus on our own needs and wants, things are generally pretty good. But when we start to seek His will, begin to focus on where He wants us, do what He’s called us to do, that’s when we often find roadblocks and hardships. Seems backward, right?

If it’s His plan for us, why is it so hard?

  • The Bible Warns us. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. 2 Timothy 3:12 Sounds like fun! Where do I sign up? LOL. It’s a common misconception that once you become a Christian, life is easy peasy. It’s not.kristywyatt.com In fact, people who seek God honestly and humbly will experience hardships. But trust Him. His plan is perfect and if you keep going, the reward far outweighs any earthly hardship you’ll endure.
  • The enemy attacks. If you’re targeted by the enemy, congratulations! No, really. I’m serious. It means you’re about to make a difference. It means you’re on the path to furthering the kingdom of God. It means that you’re allowing God to use you. That is AMAZING! Well, it’s amazing to everyone but the enemy. He doesn’t like it so much. It’s never fun to be in the middle of a spiritual war. But, in one, we are. When he’s attacking you, respond with scripture the way Jesus did. It is written. God keeps His promises. No matter what lies the enemy is telling you. No matter what doubt he tries to plant in you. It is written. The spirit dwells inside of you. Respond with the words of our Lord. The enemy is powerless against them.
  • He’s teaching us to rely on Him. I’ve talked about this before in When Life Is More Than You Can Handle. We try to handle things ourselves. We’ve got this. He’s only God – creator of the universe, the one who knit me in my mother’s womb, but I’ve got this. I can handle this. Oh, but it’s always pride before the fall, isn’t it? The truth is, we do need Him. We just forget how much we need Him. Be humble, or He will humble you.

Some of you are kind of freaked out right now, right? None of this sounds fun at all. Well, hardships are never fun. Trust me. I’ve got a lot of them right now. And just when I think I can’t take anything else, when I think that God has somehow forgotten about me, or wonder if my efforts are making any difference at all, someone will reach out and tell me how my words have helped them. They’ll say things like “I really needed to read that today” or “you have no idea how much your blog means to me” or “you inspired me to go back to church”. Now, while these messages touch me and make me so happy, I know it’s not me. It’s all God. He is speaking to these people through me. It is the most incredible, humbling thing I’ve ever felt. 

The truth is, when you’re living for yourself, and not seeking God’s will, you aren’t fulfilling your purpose. That will leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied. God has a plan for your life. And while the attacks aren’t fun, I’ll let you in on a little secret: God wins. It is written. I have read it. He has promised.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

 

For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. Matthew 23:12

And all nations will hate you because you are my followers. But everyone who endures to the end will be saved. Matthew 10:22

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28

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I Will Trust In You by Lauren Daigle YouTube

I Will Trust In You by Lauren Daigle Spotify

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www.kristywyatt.com who do you think you are blog

Who do You Think You Are?

If someone were to ask you “who are you?”, what would be your answer? We often confuse who we are for what we do. For instance, I might answer, “I’m Kristy Wyatt. I’m a writer, musician, and (most importantly) a mom.” And while those are all parts of me and what I do, they are not who I am.

Who we are, and who we think we are can be very different things as well. People who kristywyatt.com who do you think you are blogdon’t have a clear understanding of their self-worth will likely have skewed self-esteem also. This is something I’ve struggled with for years. When someone tells me I’m beautiful, I reply, “I’m fat.” When someone compliments me on a talent I have, I deflect the compliment by telling them something I’m not good at – like visual art, for example. I know I’m not the only one out there who can’t seem to accept that someone else sees something good in them. But, why? How did we go from the innocent child who accepted compliments as truth, to this woman who doesn’t believe she’s worth a whole lot?

I imagine the answer to that would be a little different for every woman out there. We all have our own stories. But I’m willing to bet money that we all have one thing in common: We’ve lost sight of who we are in Christ. Our true identities lie in Him. But we tend to look elsewhere for our self-worth and identities.

If God can see our worth, why can’t we?

  • We have let society influence us. We are constantly shown the disillusion of perfection. Magazines, television/movies, and social media have wiggled their way into our subconscious. We can’t help but compare ourselves to others in looks, finances, success – the list goes on. We forget that these things are not the whole truth. Often times, they’re not the truth at all.
  • We listen to the naysayers. If you’re like me, you have people in your life that are your biggest cheerleaders and those in your life who are your biggest critics. Constructive criticism is helpful. But there are those people who are perpetually negative. There is nothing positive in what they say. And yes, we tend to listen to these critics far more than our supporters. We need to remember that people who are overly negative and bring you down are usually projecting their issues onto you. Find a couple of people you can trust for truth. Be careful who you allow to influence you.
  • We’re disconnected from God. (If you’ve read this blog for any period of time, you’ll see this tends to be a theme.) When there is a disconnect with God, we lose sight of His plan for us. When we aren’t living out his plan for our lives, we start to feel as though life is meaningless. I’ve been in both places, and I can tell you from experience that when I lived life for myself, I had never been more unhappy or lost. But living my life the way He has led me to is giving me such purpose and an inner joy like I’ve never known before. Sure, I have a long way to go. But every day, when I spend time with Him, seeking His will, my skewed vision of my self-worth becomes a little clearer.

So, who are you? You are the daughter of the king. That’s right, love! You’re a princess. kristywyatt.com who do you think you are blogGod loves you. Take a deep breath and digest that. He. Loves. You. What have we done to deserve His love? Nothing. His love isn’t based on merit, good deeds, or because we totally rocked the talent show in 6th grade. He loves us more than our human minds can understand because we are His. He has never seen anything more beautiful than you. He has never been more interested in anything more than His interest in you. He has never wanted to spend time with anyone more than He wants to spend time with you. Are you feeling special yet?

Most importantly, you are worth the cost of forgiveness. You were worth the price Jesus paid on the cross for our freedom. You are worth it.

I can’t stress this enough to you beautiful, talented, amazing women reading this post. You are worth more than anything. You are loved by the one true God. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. (Which, c’mon, changes constantly, right? #IShedLikeMyDog) He cares so much about you that He gave His only Son to make sure that He could spend eternity with you. Stop looking for your worth in things of this world. You are worth the love of God. And there is nothing greater than that.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

God is within her, she will not fall. Psalm 46:5

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. Proverbs 31:26

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. Song of Solomon 4:7

(I couldn’t choose just 3 verses. LOL)

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“Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong YouTube

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kristywyatt.com nervecited1

Give It To God

Nervcited. It’s a word my daughter made up to describe how she feels before dancing at kristywyatt.com nerveciteda competition. The combination of nervousness and excitement is apt for all kinds of situations. I heard some news today that caused my heart to stutter with absolute excitement and nervousness. I’ve sat here trying to write this post for a couple of hours and all I can think about is this piece of news. Seriously, guys. Nervcited is a thing!

I know this situation is completely out of my control. It’s in God’s hands. And though He is God, the creator of the heavens and the earth, it’s hard to let go and trust Him to take care of things. What we really mean though, is take care of things the way we want them. He always takes care of things. He is always working things out according to His plan, so why don’t we trust Him? We know that His plan doesn’t always align with ours, that’s why.

We’ve all been down this road. We all think we know exactly what should happen. We all make our plans. And then BAM! Things go the opposite way we expected them to go. Due to this, we tend to get a little nervous about trusting God when the stakes are high. But that’s when we should be thankful He is in control.

We Often Forget

We often forget that God is much bigger than our mountains. Maybe it’s because we can only see the mountains in front of us. We let fear of the worst case scenario scare us into anxiety and mistrust. But God isn’t a mere human. God is God. The creator of all things – the creator of you and me. He loves us with an intensity we can’t comprehend. If there is anyone we can trust, it is God.

Still, we get stressed out and anxious. Giving things to God – trusting Him to take care of situations is difficult. But we have to for our own wellbeing. If we try to control things that are out of our control, it can have a profound negative effect on our wellbeing.

So how do we give it to God?

  • Pray about it. I know – obvious. But how are you currently praying about these things? Does it go something like “God, pleeeeeaaasssee make this happen” or is it more like “God, you know the desires of my heart in this situation. God, I know that you have the power to make this situation turn out the way I want it to. Lord, as much as I want this to go my way, I’m giving it to you. I turn over my attempt at control and trust that you will make this go according to your perfect plan. God, I trust you.”
  • Trust Him. The words we pray are mere words unless it’s backed by trust. Do we really trust Him to take care of it? If not, we need to dig into the word. I mean this with so much love when I say, if you don’t trust God, there is a disconnect somewhere in your relationship. We all know that any disconnect in our relationship with God is on our end.
  • Accept the outcome. In the event our situation doesn’t go in the way we would have liked, how do we react? We might be mad at God – and that’s okay. But ultimately, we have to realize that He knows best. Maybe He was protecting us. Maybe He has bigger and better plans for us. So often we let these things affect our relationship with God in a negative way. I challenge you to trust that He only wants what is best for us. He will never leave nor forsake you.

 

Remember, God is mad about you. There is nothing He wants more than a relationship with you and your faith in Him.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved  Psalm 55:22

“For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you’” Isaiah 41:14

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you   1 Peter 5:6-7

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Blessings by Laura Story YouTube

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kristywyatt.com when life is more than you can handle

When Life Is More Than You Can Handle

I’ve heard it said many times that God won’t give you more than you can handle. Recently, I learned that is untrue. You see, I am in the middle of a storm. My heart is kristywyatt.com when life is more than you can handleabsolutely broken right now. I get up, I go to work. I smile, crack a few jokes. I try to focus on my to-do list. I shuffle kids around in the evening, and then it’s a mad rush to get everything done before going to bed. All of that is fine. I’m busy and that keeps my mind from going to the dark place that I know waits for me in the silence. The place that utterly terrifies me. The place where the pain is overwhelming and it actually steals my breath. As I lie there in a fetal position, the pain won’t be denied any longer, and I know this is more than I can bear on my own.

I believe storms like this are more than we mere humans can handle on our own strength. I also believe that that is by design. If things are always somewhere on a scale of great to not good, we wouldn’t learn to rely on God. But when life falls somewhere between horrible and devastating, as much as we might try, we can’t make it through without Him.

Why we don’t seek God in storms:

  • We don’t realize how bad it really is. Sometimes we’re caught in a somewhat delusional state. Sure, we know our situation is not good, but this is nothing we can’t handle, right? Wrong. Pastor Rick Warren once said that seeking God should be our first response to everything, rather than waiting until the situation is dire to cry out to Him. We forget that God is always there waiting for us. He never strays away from us.
  • Pride. Have you ever hung out with a one-year-old? Have you ever watched them try to climb onto the sofa, but they just can’t quite get on? You reach over and try to help them, but they swat your hand away and say, “I can do it by myself!” That is often us. God wants to help us, to heal us, but we push Him away and say, “I’ve got this, God.” But we don’t. We need Him in every situation. Good, bad, and otherwise.
  • We’ve forgotten about Him. If we aren’t used to talking to God, there’s a good chance you will wait to reach out to Him until you feel like there is nothing left but God. Don’t wait! Let Him love you through this time.

I’m still learning how to decipher when God is speaking to me and when my brain is speaking to me. But there was once in a very broken state I actually heard God speak to me. I know, some of you are rolling your eyes. But it’s true. As I lay in bed, crying, begging for sleep to overtake me, I heard, “I am here.” An immediate calmness came over my shaking body. God was there, and though I couldn’t feel His arms around me, I felt held, I felt loved, and finally, I slept.

How Do We Seek God In The Storm?

  • Seek God relentlessly. You need strength, love, and hope. He is the source of all of these. Have you ever seen the episode of The Office where Pam and Jim use a Bluetooth to stay on the phone all day? (I love The Office. LOL) Imagine kristywyatt.com when life is more than we can handleyou have a Bluetooth in your ear at all times with God on the line, waiting to talk to you about everything. Talk to Him. He’s listening.
  • Read scripture. There are several ways to do this. The most obvious is a Bible. But if you don’t have one, you can visit several websites like this one to read scripture. You can also get the Bible app on your phone or tablet for free. Or, if you need a pretty picture, Pinterest is full of pretty pictures with scripture. I believe God will reveal what He wants to you through His word.
  • Pray. There is power in prayer. Pray passionately. Don’t worry about what you think you should say, don’t be formal. Just speak to Him.

God uses all things for His glory – even our storms. Without the storm I’m currently in, I wouldn’t have started this site. Now, every day, I hear from at least one woman who says these posts, posts that are inspired by the love of God, have touched them and made a difference in their lives. God is using my pain, this storm to reach others in His name! How AMAZING is that?

Ladies, remember one thing: God loves you! He loves you madly, wildly, passionately. The creator wants to hear from you! He desires to be a part of your life. If that isn’t something to celebrate, I truly don’t know what is. Allow Him to fill you with joy even in the middle of a storm. Allow Him to use you in all your circumstances. You’ll be absolutely amazed at what He can do through us when we stop trying to live life on our strength.

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Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

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“Beautiful History” by Plumb YouTube

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Kristywyatt.com

When You’re Stuck In The Victim’s Mindset

I tend to talk about mindset a lot and there’s a good reason. Mindset can make or break your dreams and goals. It is the difference between joy and bitterness, success and defeat, faith and hopelessness. This particular mindset can take root and be very difficult to fight out of. I’m talking about the victim mindset.

Remaining in a victim mindset is the most destructive thing you can do to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Notice I said “remaining in a victim mindset”. The truth is we have all been victims of something hurtful in our lives. Some have been physically and/or emotionally abused, some sexually assaulted, mistreated, hurt, betrayed, the list can go on forever. We live in a broken world with broken people. We have all been a victim and we have every right to feel what we feel about that situation. However, sometimes we get stuck there and never move on. Sometimes we can’t get over being a victim and we start to see ourselves as a victim in every other relationship and situation.

Why we can’t live in our victim mindset:

  • True, you have every right to feel victimized. You have been deeply hurt. And sometimes we have to spend a little time in the victim mindset to even wrap ourkristywyatt.com heads around it. This is where it gets dangerous. After a while, we either pick ourselves up and rise a stronger person, or we let that familiar mindset take deep root in our lives, allowing bitterness, anger, and distrust to play a leading role in our lives.
  • When we live in the victim mindset, we sabotage ourselves. We become jealous of all the good things others have and take it as a personal attack that we don’t have those things too. Our unhappiness pours out from us no matter how hard we try to hide it. We tend to have negative responses and attitudes about everything, effectively causing our bosses to look elsewhere for advancement, spouses to shut down, and friendships to end. At that point, we feel sorry for ourselves because everything is a mess, not realizing how different it could have been if we’d been in a healthier frame of mind.
  • We see everything as a competition. Your sibling might have a bigger house – you feel envious, your coworker got a promotion – you start to look for their weaknesses and criticize them to others to make yourself seem like a better choice, someone has a talent that you feel you should have, so you come up with a weak excuse not to like them. In this state of mind, we are unable to truly be happy for others.

So what does it take to break out of the victim mindset?

  • First, and foremost, seek God. He is the ultimate healer. You may find that you’rekristywyatt.com mad at Him for “allowing” whatever you went through to happen. That’s okay. Tell Him. Yell at Him if you have to because here’s a little secret: He already knows. So tell Him. Tell Him how much you hurt. Tell Him you need healing. His promises are true. He will not leave you to go through this alone. Only He can reveal how this awful situation will be used for His plan, but trust this: His plan is perfect. He will not leave nor forsake you. He will heal you.
  • Talk to a counselor. There is something about just talking and being real with no filter that is therapeutic. You can’t hold all of the emotions, thoughts, memories in forever. You have to let them out if you’re going to move on. They can also give you helpful emotional/mental exercises and tools to help you on your way to a healthy mindset.
  • Make the decision. Ultimately, you have to want to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know it’s hard. We get comfortable in our pity party, but that is not a party we need to attend. We have to choose to move on. It can be a long road, but the grass truly is greener on the other side. Imagine a life of joy! You can have that again.

This world is full of heartbreak. We all have a story. But we must remember that with God, all things are possible! All things. If you are residing in a victim state of mind, you may have felt a bit attacked in this post. Please let me assure you this was written with so much love. God’s plan for you is joy, wholeness, and a close relationship with Him. It is possible! You just have to take the first step toward healing – seek God.

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“LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.” Psalms 30:2

The righteous cry, and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalms 34:17-20

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

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“The Hurt And The Healer” by Mercy Me YouTube

“The Hurt And The Healer” by Mercy Me Spotify

 

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kristywyatt.com FOMO Blog

Why We Struggle With FOMO (And how To Stop)

Everyone likes to feel included. It’s fun hanging out with friends whether you’re going out or just doing nothing together. Having that companionship can be fulfilling. So it’s understandable that when we see our friends hanging out and having fun without us, we get jealous. We begin to stalk our friends on social media. What are they doing? Where are they? And most importantly, why didn’t they invite me? Welcome to FOMO, or “fear of missing out”.

Fear of missing out can plague anyone from kids to adults, though I’ve noticed that if the person has access to social media, FOMO can become a real problem. I’ve seen people stalk their friends to see where they were, and who they were with. People can become so consumed with being left out that it affects, and sometimes ruins friendships.

kristywyatt.comSo, why do we have a fear of missing out? It likely started on the playground. Let’s be honest, girls can be mean. We’ve all been the outcast at one time or another growing up. We watch as our “friends” play, wondering what is “wrong with me?”. Or “why don’t they like me?”. As we grow, – middle school, high school – it gets worse. By the time adulthood comes around, many of us don’t know what a healthy friendship looks like.

I’ve done a little experiment with FOMO. With the few people I’ve interviewed, all with varying degrees of FOMO, this is what I’ve found:

  • People who suffer from FOMO a great deal tend to have low self-esteem. These are people who don’t know what they have to offer. They don’t see themselves clearly. They assume that they aren’t liked, or that they’ve done something wrong –kristywyatt.com FOMO Blog 2 why else would someone not invite them? They dwell on this so much that it can ruin their entire day. They may cry about it. They may yell at their friends about it. They don’t believe they are worthy, so they assume their friends feel the same way.
  • People who suffer from FOMO a great deal may not have healthy friendships. If you are concerned about your friends talking negatively about you in your absence, perhaps you should evaluate those friendships. Chances are you’ve heard those friends say awful things about a mutual friend – a conversation you may have even participated in. But the flip side of that coin, when you are the subject, suddenly it seems so harsh. Allow me to gently say if you’re friends with someone who puts other friends down, they are likely doing it to you too. And somewhere in your heart, you know that – hence the FOMO.
  • It’s human nature. It’s only natural to have FOMO to some degree. Of course, we want to be included. Just keep it in check.

So, how do we get over FOMO?

  • Remember who you are. Who are you? You are a daughter of the one true KING. The creator of the universe loves you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! There is no reason you should ever doubt your importance or your value. So what if you weren’t invited to some event? You can still do something great and fun!
  • Don’t count on others to have a good time. This is your job, love! If you feel likekristywyatt.com FOMO Blog doing something, call a friend and make it happen.
  • Step away from Facebook. Stop. Just stop. You’re better than that. Be happy that your friends are having fun – we only want what’s best for them, right? Again, make your own fun happen.
  • Assume good intentions. We don’t always know the full story. Perhaps two of your friends had a disagreement, so they got together to work it out. Maybe they hadn’t spent time together in a while and needed some one on one time. This is hard but here it goes, not everything is about us. Yikes. That’s tough, right? Tough, but true. It likely didn’t occur to your friends that your feelings were hurt by not being invited because it wasn’t about you. It may have been something between them.
  • You do it too. Wait, what? That’s right. From the time we were twelve years old and our moms said you can only have five people spend the night for your sleepover, until now when we know we can only fit four other people in our car, we can’t always include everyone. Let me ask you something: when you’re hanging out with just a couple of friends, does it mean you don’t like your other friends? Of course not! And to think their feelings would be hurt for not being included in something you planned would make you feel horrible. Assume they feel the same way you do. They still love you!

When I was younger, FOMO was a big part of my life. Now, I get a kick of seeing my friends’ pictures of their fun without me. I laugh, comment, and “heart” everything. And I genuinely love it! Mostly because I’m chilling in my sweatpants and didn’t have to go anywhere. (My favorite!) But also because I love them and want them to enjoy life with me, and without me. That is what love is – wanting what’s best for them regardless of your role. It also helps to know I have an amazing “tribe”. My girls have my back ALWAYS. They aren’t bad mouthing me, and they want the very best for me. There is great peace in having such amazing friends.kristywyatt.com FOMO Blog 4

FOMO can really be a struggle. I challenge you to dig in deep. Where do you stand with FOMO? How can you improve this? How can letting it go help your relationships with your friends? You’re an amazing woman – own it! You don’t need to be involved in absolutely everything to feel important or valuable. Remember who you are in Christ.

 

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.”  Isaiah 49:15-16a

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“You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews YouTube

“You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews Spotify

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Jesus Cross Forgiveness Blog Kristy Wyatt

Why You Need To Forgive

I’ve been told that I’m a good “forgiver”. I’ve been asked on more than one occasion, “Why do you still let so-and-so in your life after what they did?”. I used to shrug and say, “everyone makes mistakes, right?” But I really never gave it much thought. I assumed it was a part of my personality. The part of me that hates confrontation and will do anything – including forgive – to keep the peace. But these last few months, I’ve had to really test forgiveness. I’ve had the opportunity to forgive someone in my life, and forgive myself. In this process, I really dug deep into what forgiveness is and how it’s done.

To understand forgiveness, we must first seek the source – God.

Forgiveness Jesus BlogGod is the ultimate forgiver. I once heard someone say, “If Jesus had to die for your sins, then it’s not really forgiveness.” I can understand the misinterpretation of why Jesus had to die on the cross, and rise again. You see, forgiveness and consequences are not mutually exclusive. You can have the hardship of consequences while reaping the grace of forgiveness. In other words, while God forgave me for my sins, the consequences had to happen. There was still a price for my wrongdoing, just like when your teenager slacks off at school. You will forgive them, but they’re still going to lose video game privileges. That’s forgiveness with consequences.

God sent His one son to this earth to live a sinless life only to die the death of a sinner. Take that in for a moment. God loved us so much that he didn’t want us to suffer for an eternity for our sins. He gave the consequences to Jesus and the forgiveness to us. If God can forgive us for the horrible things we’ve done – and we’ve all done horrible things – who are we to deny forgiveness? Are we so holy that we are above God? Is our judgement higher than His? If the creator of this earth, of us, can look at an adulterer, a liar, a murderer, a bully, an abuser – the list can go on forever – with love and forgiveness, why on earth do we think we have the right to do any different? Perhaps we need to humble ourselves.

Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. Forgiveness is just that – forgiveness. It is not staying in a bad situation. You can forgive someone and still choose to let them go from your life. That would be part of the consequences they would experience.

Some might say that some people don’t deserve forgiveness. You’ll often hear someone who is upset say, “I’ll never forgive you for this.” But we must remember that withholding forgiveness doesn’t hurt the other person. It hurts us.

3 Ways Withholding Forgiveness Hurts Us:

Forgiveness Blog

  1. Holding on to hurt and anger is like a poison that slowly spreads throughout your body. You develop bitterness. It can change your whole outlook on life. It can make you physically ill, or cause you to sabotage important relationships. It could mean the difference between living a happy life, or a miserable life. When you truly forgive, you let that go. You don’t free the person who wronged you. You free yourself.
  2. When you’re unforgiving, you’re missing out on something God wanted you to learn. In this imperfect world, we have pain. It’s inevitable. Someone will do something to offend you and/or hurt you. When this happens, you can let that sit on your heart and weigh you down, or you can choose to forgive. Ask God what He wants you to learn from this experience. There is a lesson in everything. We’re just usually too consumed with our feelings to see what that lesson is.
  3. Withholding forgiveness will separate you from God. Let’s take a moment to reflect over our lives. We could all fill a notebook (or a few notebooks) with a list of our sins. We’ve hurt people; we’ve hurt God. We’ve been unfaithful and often times we try to justify it instead of repenting. Still, God forgives. His love is perfect and faithful regardless of our impure hearts. So imagine what it must feel like to God to forgive us absolutely everything, to send His son to die for our sins, only for us to withhold forgiveness to someone else, or even ourselves?

So, how do we forgive someone who has hurt us?Forgiveness Blog Kristy Wyatt

  1. Take a little time. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little space. Often times our hearts have to catch up with our brains. Give yourself a moment to catch your breath.
  2. Withhold your words. Hurtful words tend to fly when we’re hurting. You know that annoying saying “two wrongs don’t make a right”? Well, it’s true. If you handle tough situations with grace, you will only have to deal with forgiving the other person rather than forgiving them and yourself for the way you reacted.
  3. It’s likely you’ll have to forgive something over and over again. Sure last week you felt like you had a brand new start with someone. You’d forgiven them – all was well. But today, someone brought up the one thing that cut you deep, and the pain is fresh. Suddenly you’re back in the moment it all happened. You have to choose to forgive again. And again.
  4. Pray pray pray! God is a pro at forgiveness. So we should constantly be asking for His help with this. It’s His desire for us to live healthy, happy lives. Forgiveness is a part of that plan. Spend time with God in His word and in prayer. Open your heart. He will speak to you. He will help you through it.

With this being the week of Easter, it’s important for us to remember how much we need forgiveness in our lives. It’s as important to give forgiveness as it is to receive it. Offering grace where it isn’t deserved is the best way to show love for someone.

*Below is a link to a video. Please take a few minutes to watch it. Love and blessings you you all! xoxo

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Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

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PLEASE watch this video! It will change the way you look at forgiveness.

“Forgiveness” by, Matthew West (Forgiveness Story)

Thank you for sharing!

In The Middle Of The Storm

As followers of Christ, we are taught to bring our requests to God. When we want that raise or a new job, when we really need to sell the house so we can buy the new one with the extra bathroom, or when we just really would like to get a full night sleep without the baby crying, we pray. We pray for what we need, what we want, and for our parents’ health. We expect God to hear our prayers. We expect God to be faithful. We expect God to do what we want, when we want it. This is where we often run into trouble.

We forget that God is in control. We forget that God has a master plan. He doesn’t have a plan A, B, and so on. No, He has one plan. THE plan. This plan cannot fail. No matter how many things go wrong or seem impossible, God is already hundreds of steps ahead.

We humans have a habit of looking at our circumstances, and basing our opinions, goals, and conclusions on them. We forget that God’s view is by far superior to ours. It’s like comparing a basement window with a view of the brick building two feet away to the view of Hawaii on top of a volcano. There is no comparison. He sees you and your circumstances, but He also sees your future. He is intimately familiar with the storm you’re in, and how it will shape you and make you ready for the brighter days ahead. We merely see the storm.

We get angry with God. We say “What did I do to deserve this?” and “He must really be mad at me.” Nowhere in the bible does it say that once we believe, life is perfect. No, life can’t be perfect because we live in a world full of imperfect people. We all know this, and yet, we expect life to be easy. Why? Where did that expectation come from? Some might say “Well, if He really loves me, then why would He allow this to happen?” I can’t answer that question for you. I can only say that nowhere in the entire world, universe, or beyond will you find someone who loves you more than the way God loves you.

God loves you so much that you are a part of His master plan. Yes, you! You play a leading role. And for whatever reason, you have to go through this storm and trust that He has a very good reason for it. It takes absolute trust in Him to have that outlook. But when you do, it changes your frame of mind. You look at these circumstances differently than you did before. Your expectations change. You realize that God did not forsake you, He’s merely molding you to be the person you need to be for His plan.

It hurts. Trust me, I know. I’m in the middle of a massive storm right now. It’s the most difficult time I’ve ever lived through. But we’re not meant to go through this alone. God gave us arms to hug each other, to comfort one another. God gave us tongues to speak His truth to someone who is hurting. God gave us other women who have been though the same storm you’re in now to speak about their journey and encourage us. God gave us a love letter with all the secrets to life – we only have to read it. God gave us a savior so we will never be apart from Him.

Sometimes we forget how truly blessed we are. We’re blinded by the dark clouds, the long journey, and the pain. But if we’re brutally honest, we can admit that we are extremely blessed. We can see that God hasn’t forgotten us, nor does He hate us.

One day we will look back at this moment in our lives. We will say things like “the only reason I made it through that time was because of God’s strength, God’s love, and the people God placed in my life.” You may even find yourself looking into the tearful eyes of a woman who is in the middle of a storm similar to the one that you endured and you will thank God for the storm that shaped you into the woman you became. You will thank Him for the opportunity to share your experience and His love. One day we will more than understand. We will share His view.

 

bible

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm, plans to give you hope and a future.”     Jeremiah 29:11

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength.  2 Timothy 4:17

piano“Praise You In This Storm” YouTube

“Praise You In This Storm” Spotify

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