kristywyatt.com Pain

Feel The Pain

If you’ve read my blog before, you’re likely familiar with how often I talk about mind frame and keeping a positive attitude. In my post about a victim’s mindset, we see how that mindset can be self-destructing. Important as all that is, there are times where it is healthy to stop and just feel the pain.

We’ve all had painful times in our lives. The loss of a life’s work, the loss of a friendship, a victim of abuse, you or someone you love fighting serious illness, the death of someone close to you, the death of your child, the death of a spouse, or in my situation, divorce. All of these can bring us to our knees. And while we may hate it, the pain is necessary.

There are five stages of grief, and grief would be felt in any of these situations.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

This can be a bit misleading, however, because it’s rarely felt in order and people will likely visit some of these stages more than once.

The stages of grief are what we experience. But what if we derail our grief? Would we ever move past the situation? Would we ever heal?

As you know, the tagline for my blog is “Real life. Real Faith. Real Women.” Well, prepare yourself, because I’m about to get real. I derailed my grief. One of the first things I did askristywyatt.com pain a single: start this blog. I wrote about hard times, remaining positive, staying in the right frame of mind, etc. And I still think these are all important. But I missed something. I refused to let myself feel too much. Sure, there were moments I’d succumb to the pain. But then I’d say something to myself like, “Suck it up. You’re too blessed to be crying. You have kids and a job. You don’t have time for a pity party.” So I’d throw on a little mascara and a smile, and I’d go on.

By doing this, I’d done myself a disservice. I filled my days until they were so tightly packed that I ran out of time to do much thinking or feeling at all. I kept busy and gave the persona that I was doing well. Until one day I just couldn’t anymore. My body gave out. My mind gave out. I was so physically and emotionally exhausted from denying myself grief, that all I could do was lie there.

Deadlines suddenly didn’t mean a whole lot to me. I wasn’t concerned with keeping appointments. The kids even missed a couple of sports practices. It’s like I went completely out of commission. No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I couldn’t hold back the grief. I tried reading uplifting things. I tried listening to the amazing podcasts that inspire me. But it didn’t work. And then, I cried.

Grief hit me like a tsunami and suddenly everything I’d tried to ignore for the last five months cashed into me and I crumbled. The pity party that I tell people not to attend, oh yeah. I threw one heck of a pity party for myself. I hated every single moment of it. I cried out to God. I yelled. I sobbed. I mourned the relationship I’d had for eighteen years. I mourned the future we should have had. I became angry. I fell into a black hole of desperation. And it was good.

I’ve realized that I have to let myself feel. There has been a significant change in my life. Of course there are feelings. Of course I need to deal with them. If we don’t embrace grief, we can’t heal. If we can’t heal, we will never move forward. We will stay where we are, carrying the weight of all we’ve lost. We’re not made to do that.

We must remember that Jesus came before us. He felt everything we’ve ever felt. Think about that. Our greatest joys, our greatest sorrows. He’s felt it all. We may think that no one understands what we’re going through, but I can promise you that at least one being does completely understand.  Jesus.

Not only did He experience it, He showed us how to handle it. How often we forget that there is an instruction manual. We have the bible! He shows us how to handle the hardest of times with grace. He shows us by example how to keep the faith. He tells us 365 times not to be afraid. Ladies, we can’t get so lost in ourselves that we forget to seek kristywyatt.com feel the pain 2Him. He is here with me through this. He is there with you through your struggles. We only have to allow ourselves to feel to know.

Grief is no joke. It hurts, and that’s a huge understatement. But it’s necessary. My grieving time is far from over, but I feel lighter somehow. I’ve moved forward. I’m beginning to heal.

We aren’t meant to do this alone. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone to help you through it. God created community for a reason. Churches everywhere will welcome you. There are support groups for every situation. And most of all, continue to seek the Lord.

Love and prayers to all of you.

Click here to submit a prayer request.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

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“Hold My Heart” by, Tenth Avenue North

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www.kristywyatt.com who do you think you are blog

Who do You Think You Are?

If someone were to ask you “who are you?”, what would be your answer? We often confuse who we are for what we do. For instance, I might answer, “I’m Kristy Wyatt. I’m a writer, musician, and (most importantly) a mom.” And while those are all parts of me and what I do, they are not who I am.

Who we are, and who we think we are can be very different things as well. People who kristywyatt.com who do you think you are blogdon’t have a clear understanding of their self-worth will likely have skewed self-esteem also. This is something I’ve struggled with for years. When someone tells me I’m beautiful, I reply, “I’m fat.” When someone compliments me on a talent I have, I deflect the compliment by telling them something I’m not good at – like visual art, for example. I know I’m not the only one out there who can’t seem to accept that someone else sees something good in them. But, why? How did we go from the innocent child who accepted compliments as truth, to this woman who doesn’t believe she’s worth a whole lot?

I imagine the answer to that would be a little different for every woman out there. We all have our own stories. But I’m willing to bet money that we all have one thing in common: We’ve lost sight of who we are in Christ. Our true identities lie in Him. But we tend to look elsewhere for our self-worth and identities.

If God can see our worth, why can’t we?

  • We have let society influence us. We are constantly shown the disillusion of perfection. Magazines, television/movies, and social media have wiggled their way into our subconscious. We can’t help but compare ourselves to others in looks, finances, success – the list goes on. We forget that these things are not the whole truth. Often times, they’re not the truth at all.
  • We listen to the naysayers. If you’re like me, you have people in your life that are your biggest cheerleaders and those in your life who are your biggest critics. Constructive criticism is helpful. But there are those people who are perpetually negative. There is nothing positive in what they say. And yes, we tend to listen to these critics far more than our supporters. We need to remember that people who are overly negative and bring you down are usually projecting their issues onto you. Find a couple of people you can trust for truth. Be careful who you allow to influence you.
  • We’re disconnected from God. (If you’ve read this blog for any period of time, you’ll see this tends to be a theme.) When there is a disconnect with God, we lose sight of His plan for us. When we aren’t living out his plan for our lives, we start to feel as though life is meaningless. I’ve been in both places, and I can tell you from experience that when I lived life for myself, I had never been more unhappy or lost. But living my life the way He has led me to is giving me such purpose and an inner joy like I’ve never known before. Sure, I have a long way to go. But every day, when I spend time with Him, seeking His will, my skewed vision of my self-worth becomes a little clearer.

So, who are you? You are the daughter of the king. That’s right, love! You’re a princess. kristywyatt.com who do you think you are blogGod loves you. Take a deep breath and digest that. He. Loves. You. What have we done to deserve His love? Nothing. His love isn’t based on merit, good deeds, or because we totally rocked the talent show in 6th grade. He loves us more than our human minds can understand because we are His. He has never seen anything more beautiful than you. He has never been more interested in anything more than His interest in you. He has never wanted to spend time with anyone more than He wants to spend time with you. Are you feeling special yet?

Most importantly, you are worth the cost of forgiveness. You were worth the price Jesus paid on the cross for our freedom. You are worth it.

I can’t stress this enough to you beautiful, talented, amazing women reading this post. You are worth more than anything. You are loved by the one true God. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows how many hairs you have on your head. (Which, c’mon, changes constantly, right? #IShedLikeMyDog) He cares so much about you that He gave His only Son to make sure that He could spend eternity with you. Stop looking for your worth in things of this world. You are worth the love of God. And there is nothing greater than that.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

God is within her, she will not fall. Psalm 46:5

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. Proverbs 31:26

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. Song of Solomon 4:7

(I couldn’t choose just 3 verses. LOL)

kristywyatt.com Music

“Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong YouTube

“Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong Spotify

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kristywyatt.com when life is more than you can handle

When Life Is More Than You Can Handle

I’ve heard it said many times that God won’t give you more than you can handle. Recently, I learned that is untrue. You see, I am in the middle of a storm. My heart is kristywyatt.com when life is more than you can handleabsolutely broken right now. I get up, I go to work. I smile, crack a few jokes. I try to focus on my to-do list. I shuffle kids around in the evening, and then it’s a mad rush to get everything done before going to bed. All of that is fine. I’m busy and that keeps my mind from going to the dark place that I know waits for me in the silence. The place that utterly terrifies me. The place where the pain is overwhelming and it actually steals my breath. As I lie there in a fetal position, the pain won’t be denied any longer, and I know this is more than I can bear on my own.

I believe storms like this are more than we mere humans can handle on our own strength. I also believe that that is by design. If things are always somewhere on a scale of great to not good, we wouldn’t learn to rely on God. But when life falls somewhere between horrible and devastating, as much as we might try, we can’t make it through without Him.

Why we don’t seek God in storms:

  • We don’t realize how bad it really is. Sometimes we’re caught in a somewhat delusional state. Sure, we know our situation is not good, but this is nothing we can’t handle, right? Wrong. Pastor Rick Warren once said that seeking God should be our first response to everything, rather than waiting until the situation is dire to cry out to Him. We forget that God is always there waiting for us. He never strays away from us.
  • Pride. Have you ever hung out with a one-year-old? Have you ever watched them try to climb onto the sofa, but they just can’t quite get on? You reach over and try to help them, but they swat your hand away and say, “I can do it by myself!” That is often us. God wants to help us, to heal us, but we push Him away and say, “I’ve got this, God.” But we don’t. We need Him in every situation. Good, bad, and otherwise.
  • We’ve forgotten about Him. If we aren’t used to talking to God, there’s a good chance you will wait to reach out to Him until you feel like there is nothing left but God. Don’t wait! Let Him love you through this time.

I’m still learning how to decipher when God is speaking to me and when my brain is speaking to me. But there was once in a very broken state I actually heard God speak to me. I know, some of you are rolling your eyes. But it’s true. As I lay in bed, crying, begging for sleep to overtake me, I heard, “I am here.” An immediate calmness came over my shaking body. God was there, and though I couldn’t feel His arms around me, I felt held, I felt loved, and finally, I slept.

How Do We Seek God In The Storm?

  • Seek God relentlessly. You need strength, love, and hope. He is the source of all of these. Have you ever seen the episode of The Office where Pam and Jim use a Bluetooth to stay on the phone all day? (I love The Office. LOL) Imagine kristywyatt.com when life is more than we can handleyou have a Bluetooth in your ear at all times with God on the line, waiting to talk to you about everything. Talk to Him. He’s listening.
  • Read scripture. There are several ways to do this. The most obvious is a Bible. But if you don’t have one, you can visit several websites like this one to read scripture. You can also get the Bible app on your phone or tablet for free. Or, if you need a pretty picture, Pinterest is full of pretty pictures with scripture. I believe God will reveal what He wants to you through His word.
  • Pray. There is power in prayer. Pray passionately. Don’t worry about what you think you should say, don’t be formal. Just speak to Him.

God uses all things for His glory – even our storms. Without the storm I’m currently in, I wouldn’t have started this site. Now, every day, I hear from at least one woman who says these posts, posts that are inspired by the love of God, have touched them and made a difference in their lives. God is using my pain, this storm to reach others in His name! How AMAZING is that?

Ladies, remember one thing: God loves you! He loves you madly, wildly, passionately. The creator wants to hear from you! He desires to be a part of your life. If that isn’t something to celebrate, I truly don’t know what is. Allow Him to fill you with joy even in the middle of a storm. Allow Him to use you in all your circumstances. You’ll be absolutely amazed at what He can do through us when we stop trying to live life on our strength.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

kristywyatt.com Music

“Beautiful History” by Plumb YouTube

“Beautiful History” by Plumb Spotify

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Kristywyatt.com

When You’re Stuck In The Victim’s Mindset

I tend to talk about mindset a lot and there’s a good reason. Mindset can make or break your dreams and goals. It is the difference between joy and bitterness, success and defeat, faith and hopelessness. This particular mindset can take root and be very difficult to fight out of. I’m talking about the victim mindset.

Remaining in a victim mindset is the most destructive thing you can do to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Notice I said “remaining in a victim mindset”. The truth is we have all been victims of something hurtful in our lives. Some have been physically and/or emotionally abused, some sexually assaulted, mistreated, hurt, betrayed, the list can go on forever. We live in a broken world with broken people. We have all been a victim and we have every right to feel what we feel about that situation. However, sometimes we get stuck there and never move on. Sometimes we can’t get over being a victim and we start to see ourselves as a victim in every other relationship and situation.

Why we can’t live in our victim mindset:

  • True, you have every right to feel victimized. You have been deeply hurt. And sometimes we have to spend a little time in the victim mindset to even wrap ourkristywyatt.com heads around it. This is where it gets dangerous. After a while, we either pick ourselves up and rise a stronger person, or we let that familiar mindset take deep root in our lives, allowing bitterness, anger, and distrust to play a leading role in our lives.
  • When we live in the victim mindset, we sabotage ourselves. We become jealous of all the good things others have and take it as a personal attack that we don’t have those things too. Our unhappiness pours out from us no matter how hard we try to hide it. We tend to have negative responses and attitudes about everything, effectively causing our bosses to look elsewhere for advancement, spouses to shut down, and friendships to end. At that point, we feel sorry for ourselves because everything is a mess, not realizing how different it could have been if we’d been in a healthier frame of mind.
  • We see everything as a competition. Your sibling might have a bigger house – you feel envious, your coworker got a promotion – you start to look for their weaknesses and criticize them to others to make yourself seem like a better choice, someone has a talent that you feel you should have, so you come up with a weak excuse not to like them. In this state of mind, we are unable to truly be happy for others.

So what does it take to break out of the victim mindset?

  • First, and foremost, seek God. He is the ultimate healer. You may find that you’rekristywyatt.com mad at Him for “allowing” whatever you went through to happen. That’s okay. Tell Him. Yell at Him if you have to because here’s a little secret: He already knows. So tell Him. Tell Him how much you hurt. Tell Him you need healing. His promises are true. He will not leave you to go through this alone. Only He can reveal how this awful situation will be used for His plan, but trust this: His plan is perfect. He will not leave nor forsake you. He will heal you.
  • Talk to a counselor. There is something about just talking and being real with no filter that is therapeutic. You can’t hold all of the emotions, thoughts, memories in forever. You have to let them out if you’re going to move on. They can also give you helpful emotional/mental exercises and tools to help you on your way to a healthy mindset.
  • Make the decision. Ultimately, you have to want to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know it’s hard. We get comfortable in our pity party, but that is not a party we need to attend. We have to choose to move on. It can be a long road, but the grass truly is greener on the other side. Imagine a life of joy! You can have that again.

This world is full of heartbreak. We all have a story. But we must remember that with God, all things are possible! All things. If you are residing in a victim state of mind, you may have felt a bit attacked in this post. Please let me assure you this was written with so much love. God’s plan for you is joy, wholeness, and a close relationship with Him. It is possible! You just have to take the first step toward healing – seek God.

kristywyatt.com bible coffee

 

“LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.” Psalms 30:2

The righteous cry, and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalms 34:17-20

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

kristywyatt.com Music

“The Hurt And The Healer” by Mercy Me YouTube

“The Hurt And The Healer” by Mercy Me Spotify

 

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Spring Into Change

The birds’ songs ring through the morning air, little plant sprouts have shot up seemingly overnight, andwilfried-santer-233377-unsplash the sun has finally made an appearance through the break in the clouds. The warmer air and tree buds give us a sense of renewal and we can’t help but feel good. Welcome to Spring.

By now, we have likely given up on our New Year’s resolutions, but there is just something about spring that lights us up with possibilities. It’s our second chance. We’ve still got ¾ of the year left and we’re determined to make it great. Yes, springtime is a perfect time for resolutions – take 2. But before you choose to renew your resolution, or make a new one, may I make a suggestion?

Let’s change our frame of mind. That’s it. That’s my suggestion. Let’s work on thinking differently.

camila-damasio-259515-unsplashLike the rebirth of spring, each day is a do-over. We have the opportunity to start anew, or hold on to the pain of yesterday. We can choose to view the day as a gift with a new attitude and outlook, or continue to cling to the negative attitudes we tend to have. You can take two people in the same situation, and they could say two very different things about the situation based solely on their frames of mind.

It’s easy to complain about the rush hour traffic, and get angry when our workload is overwhelming. When our kids don’t do what we want them to, we lose our tempers. And the worst thing is we allow these things to ruin our entire day! We let these feelings and frame of mind to turn us into pessimists. Before we know it, we view every interaction and experience through the skewed vision of our negative frame of mind. We start to question people’s intentions – we’re sure they aren’t just being nice, they must want something. We complain about imperfections in everything. But since when has anything been perfect? Why is that suddenly an expectation? Everything we experience is filtered through our destructive mind, forcing even great things to look terrible.

I went on vacation to a beautiful resort in Mexico a couple years ago. This vacation was long overdue and I just couldn’t wait to arrive! I was greeted with cool, damp towels and shown to my luxurious room. But my heart was on the beach, so I wasted no time! As I stood taking in the waves, breathing in the salty air, I heard someone say to their spouse, “This is the ugliest beach I’ve ever been to! Look at all the seaweed!”

To me, the beach was pretty darn close to Heaven. I’d come from a long Kansas City winter, so the sun, sand, and water were exactly what I needed. Sure, there was seaweed and I, too, had been to beaches with prettier sand and water. But I didn’t care. I found it beautiful, because I wanted to.

We often forget how much is affected by our frame of mind. We forget to appreciate ourethan-robertson-132225-unsplash children when they’re trying our patience. We forget that our job is a blessing. We forget that the long drive to work is an opportunity to be alone with God. One day, when our lives look different, we will wish we could go back. We’ll give almost anything to experience our kids at this age again. We won’t remember the work we do, but we’ll remember the people we worked with fondly, and wish we could talk to them again. Think about this for a moment: One day, years from now, you will miss the very thing you’re complaining about. One day, you will wish you would have lived it happily instead of just existing in it.

We also tend to hold on to our mistakes and guilt. We drown in our pain when we’ve been hurt and refuse to forgive. We hold on to our misery until it’s the “right day” or “right season” to let it go; to start over. But that isn’t God’s plan for us. We should be spending time in prayer, asking God to help us let go of all these negative things daily, allowing the next morning be a brand new start. By doing this, you will find it easier to set, and achieve goals instead of resolutions.

A few friends of mine and I are reading “Your Best Year Ever” by, Michael Hyatt. This has been eye opening for us. He talks about setting and actually achieving goals – and mindset can make or break you! I highly recommend this book to everyone! You can change everything about your life by simply changing how you think.

Don’t limit self-evaluation, and resetting your mindset to only once or twice per year. Do it daily. Allow God to show you who you are in Him. Allow God to show you that you don’t need more things, or certain circumstances to be happy. You only need to choose happiness to have it.

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Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Philippians 2:1-2

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

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“Life Is Beautiful” By, The Afters YouTube

“Life Is Beautiful” By, The Afters Spotify

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