In The Presence Of Judgment

Several people have told me over the years, “I can’t quite figure you out.”. It’s true. I’m a bit of an enigma. By nature, I have the traits of an artist – messy, unorganized, procrastinator, can get lost for hours in writing or music – but by day, I work in an accounting department where I manage to stay organized and efficient. I struggle with anxiety and depression, but I love nothing more than to make people laugh and I tend to give off a “happy” vibe. And though I have a broken heart, I have a blog telling other women it will all be alright.

kristywyatt.comIt’s easy to understand why one might be confused about me. But like you, I have many layers, many sides to who I am. We’ve all been through great times and hard times, and each experience has helped to shape us into the person we are. We have scars – physical and emotional – that we carry with us every day. We have triggers that bring up memories – pleasant and unpleasant.

Still, I’m often misunderstood. I get the impression many of us are. We form opinions on others. We interact with them once, maybe a few times, and then decide if we “like” that person. We may dislike their arrogance. We may judge a woman for her weight – too heavy, too thin. We may decide someone is a snob because she didn’t speak to us. We do this every day. We form our opinions based on interactions we have with them, or what we see of them. But allow me to challenge you here. Is it possible you don’t know the whole story? Is it possible your opinion is wrong?

Perhaps that “arrogant” person has been hurt by someone so deeply that what you judgmentperceive as arrogance is, in fact, a wall they built up to protect themselves? What if the woman who’s too heavy has a thyroid problem, and the person who’s too thin has someone whispering in her ear that she isn’t good enough until she loses more weight? What if that “snob” suffers from social anxiety because she was bullied growing up? We only saw one layer of these people instead of realizing there is a whole person in there, and then we judged them.

I am judged daily. I’m willing to bet you are too. I’m overweight. I’m a single mom. I’m a Christian. I have some gray hair. I color my hair to cover the grays. Sometimes I curse. Sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I fail. And every day, people judge me. And every day, people judge you. And every day we judge others. I know, I tried to deny it too. But if we’re being really honest here, we’ll see that we do. We’ve all been in situations where we’ve judged someone.

So how do we stop judging?

  • We have to look at them with our “Jesus glasses” on. Jesus showed kindness, acceptance, and love to all. The adulterer, the lame man, the poor, the list goes on. No one was below Him. We are called to live that way. He was perfect! He owed no one anything. If anyone had a right to judge, it would have been Him. But He didn’t. Who are we to think we have that right?
  • Stop participating in gossip. Someone is always talking negatively about someone. What is the point of that? What are we judgment3hoping will happen with that exercise? Do we want others to dislike the same person we dislike? Why? To validate our feelings? Do we even know what we’re saying is true? And so what if it is true? Our list of sins is long, is it not? Just remember while we’re talking negatively about someone else, someone is likely talking about us. One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
  • Pray for those who judge you. Ooh. This one is hard. It is human nature to want to argue your point and prove you’re a “good person”. I’ve been judged unfairly – I get it. And as someone who likes to be liked, it bugs the crap out of me when someone judges me. We have to remember, though, that their judgment is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of them. When we look at it from that angle, we realize that they need prayer. They may be lost. They need to see how Jesus treated the least of these. When someone has the love of Christ in them, and are truly seeking God, they start to view all people as His. Imperfect is perfectly okay. Jesus has got us covered.

In closing, I’d like to say that we all struggle in this area to some degree. Be prayerful about it. God will show you where you need to work on this. He’s helped me a lot in this area. And when you’re the one being judged, say a prayer. Respond with kindness. It isn’t enough to tell people we believe in a loving and forgiving God, we must live it. We must show it through our actions how much His forgiveness and acceptance has changed our lives. bible coffee

“‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me’” Matthew 25:40

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 Music


“When Love Broke Through” by TobyMac AMAZING VIDEO!!! FOMO Blog

Why We Struggle With FOMO (And how To Stop)

Everyone likes to feel included. It’s fun hanging out with friends whether you’re going out or just doing nothing together. Having that companionship can be fulfilling. So it’s understandable that when we see our friends hanging out and having fun without us, we get jealous. We begin to stalk our friends on social media. What are they doing? Where are they? And most importantly, why didn’t they invite me? Welcome to FOMO, or “fear of missing out”.

Fear of missing out can plague anyone from kids to adults, though I’ve noticed that if the person has access to social media, FOMO can become a real problem. I’ve seen people stalk their friends to see where they were, and who they were with. People can become so consumed with being left out that it affects, and sometimes ruins friendships.

kristywyatt.comSo, why do we have a fear of missing out? It likely started on the playground. Let’s be honest, girls can be mean. We’ve all been the outcast at one time or another growing up. We watch as our “friends” play, wondering what is “wrong with me?”. Or “why don’t they like me?”. As we grow, – middle school, high school – it gets worse. By the time adulthood comes around, many of us don’t know what a healthy friendship looks like.

I’ve done a little experiment with FOMO. With the few people I’ve interviewed, all with varying degrees of FOMO, this is what I’ve found:

  • People who suffer from FOMO a great deal tend to have low self-esteem. These are people who don’t know what they have to offer. They don’t see themselves clearly. They assume that they aren’t liked, or that they’ve done something wrong – FOMO Blog 2 why else would someone not invite them? They dwell on this so much that it can ruin their entire day. They may cry about it. They may yell at their friends about it. They don’t believe they are worthy, so they assume their friends feel the same way.
  • People who suffer from FOMO a great deal may not have healthy friendships. If you are concerned about your friends talking negatively about you in your absence, perhaps you should evaluate those friendships. Chances are you’ve heard those friends say awful things about a mutual friend – a conversation you may have even participated in. But the flip side of that coin, when you are the subject, suddenly it seems so harsh. Allow me to gently say if you’re friends with someone who puts other friends down, they are likely doing it to you too. And somewhere in your heart, you know that – hence the FOMO.
  • It’s human nature. It’s only natural to have FOMO to some degree. Of course, we want to be included. Just keep it in check.

So, how do we get over FOMO?

  • Remember who you are. Who are you? You are a daughter of the one true KING. The creator of the universe loves you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! There is no reason you should ever doubt your importance or your value. So what if you weren’t invited to some event? You can still do something great and fun!
  • Don’t count on others to have a good time. This is your job, love! If you feel FOMO Blog doing something, call a friend and make it happen.
  • Step away from Facebook. Stop. Just stop. You’re better than that. Be happy that your friends are having fun – we only want what’s best for them, right? Again, make your own fun happen.
  • Assume good intentions. We don’t always know the full story. Perhaps two of your friends had a disagreement, so they got together to work it out. Maybe they hadn’t spent time together in a while and needed some one on one time. This is hard but here it goes, not everything is about us. Yikes. That’s tough, right? Tough, but true. It likely didn’t occur to your friends that your feelings were hurt by not being invited because it wasn’t about you. It may have been something between them.
  • You do it too. Wait, what? That’s right. From the time we were twelve years old and our moms said you can only have five people spend the night for your sleepover, until now when we know we can only fit four other people in our car, we can’t always include everyone. Let me ask you something: when you’re hanging out with just a couple of friends, does it mean you don’t like your other friends? Of course not! And to think their feelings would be hurt for not being included in something you planned would make you feel horrible. Assume they feel the same way you do. They still love you!

When I was younger, FOMO was a big part of my life. Now, I get a kick of seeing my friends’ pictures of their fun without me. I laugh, comment, and “heart” everything. And I genuinely love it! Mostly because I’m chilling in my sweatpants and didn’t have to go anywhere. (My favorite!) But also because I love them and want them to enjoy life with me, and without me. That is what love is – wanting what’s best for them regardless of your role. It also helps to know I have an amazing “tribe”. My girls have my back ALWAYS. They aren’t bad mouthing me, and they want the very best for me. There is great peace in having such amazing FOMO Blog 4

FOMO can really be a struggle. I challenge you to dig in deep. Where do you stand with FOMO? How can you improve this? How can letting it go help your relationships with your friends? You’re an amazing woman – own it! You don’t need to be involved in absolutely everything to feel important or valuable. Remember who you are in Christ. bible coffee

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.”  Isaiah 49:15-16a Music

“You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews YouTube

“You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews Spotify

Mean Girls and Friendship

We’ve all experienced interactions with “mean girls”. And if I’m being completely honest with you, I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I’ve been the mean girl, and I’ve been the mean girl’s target. Thankfully, I wasn’t a mean girl for long – my conscience couldn’t handle it. But just because I outgrew that behavior doesn’t mean everyone else has, or will.

cristian-newman-141895-unsplashOnce you’ve been a mean girl’s target, it’s easy to spot the signs of a mean girl. I was fairly new to my church and had just finished leading a worship song, when I saw a woman sitting in the 2nd row, pointing at me and laughing with her husband. It was all I could do not to start crying. I replayed the song in my head. Did my voice crack? Did I mess up the words? I ran my hands down my sides to make sure my shirt hadn’t ridden up and that my mom-belly was still covered. (Lord knows no one wants me to have a wardrobe malfunction.) But all was in place. With nothing else to examine, I had to face the music. I had been “mean girled” at church. And I was devastated.

Though I never told anyone about the incident, I cried about it. I prayed about it. I stewed about it. But I went on with my life, continued to sing at church, and ignored the situation. So imagine my surprise when the very woman who laughed at me asked to be my Facebook friend. My immediate reaction was “no way!”. I was sure this woman only wanted more ammunition. She would find a flaw in my mothering skills by reading my statuses and studying my pictures. She would look for my imperfections – and there are many. No. Absolutely no. But God told me yes. With a sigh and a dramatic roll of my eyes, I accepted the friend request.

To my disbelief, the hearts started rolling in. Not just likes, but hearts! She “hearted” a lot of my pictures and statuses. She commented on a few things and offered to participate in my daughter’s fundraiser. A feather could have knocked me over. Why was she being nice? Surely there was an ulterior motive. I thanked her for her support with the fundraiser, and then added another brick to the protective wall around my heart. I would not fall for the “nice” trick.bewakoof-com-official-205686-unsplash

As the months passed, we talked more and more on Facebook, then at church, and before I knew it, I liked her. I’d never mentioned the mean girl moment, and I decided to forgive her. She’d made a mistake. I have made countless of those. I had to put this behind me if I was going to give this new friendship a shot. So I did.

In this friendship, I found that she had a big heart. She was truly a wonderful woman. I began looking forward to our interactions, and that tall, thick wall I’d built crumbled down. She was in. This was the danger zone. In this place, she could really hurt me. Being this vulnerable with someone is hard when you’ve been “mean girled” because now you care about this person and what they think.

One day, while talking, she told me about one of the first times she’d heard me sing at church. She laughed and said, “I leaned over to my husband, pointed at you, and said ‘I sound just like that when I sing, right babe?’.” She said, “We both laughed so hard because I can’t sing at all!” I froze. I knew the day she was talking about. I knew exactly. I had completely misjudged what had happened. They weren’t making fun of me at all. In their own cute way, they had been complimenting me.

It still amazes me to think that I almost missed out on this amazing friendship with her over a misunderstanding. We forget that not everything is as it seems. It really seemed as if they were making fun of me. What if I had denied her friend request? What if I’d never been kind to her because I let anger, hurt, and bitterness simmer inside of me? What if she thought I was a mean girl because I wouldn’t talk to her? How different could this have turned out?

omar-lopez-296937-unsplashThis experience has taught me so much. I’m grateful that I chose to listen to God in this situation. I hope that when you’re presented with a similar situation, you’ll remember the following:

  • Even when things look a certain way, be sure before you react.
  • In all circumstances, treat everyone with kindness.
  • Forgive them and forgive yourself.
  • Seek God’s will in all your relationships.
  • Give people a chance – a real chance.

Okay, I know. Some of you have an actual mean girl that you’re dealing with. While I’d like to say it’s a misunderstanding, “mean girling” is a thing that totally exists. So I’ll pass on what I tell my daughter:

  • Show them what a kind person looks like. You can’t control them or their actions, but you can control yours. Don’t ever lower yourself to their level. Instead, show them what it’s like on your level and encourage them grow.
  • If it continues, they’re not your friend. It’s hard, but not everyone is good for you. You can choose to excuse yourself from interacting with that person without being a mean girl back. We’re called to be kind, but not take abuse. Kindness is not weakness.
  • Pray for them. This can be so difficult. The last thing we want to do is pray for someone who is mistreating us. But I promise, those who need love the most are the least lovable people. Let God work in them through you.


Being a girl/woman is hard, right? But we aren’t meant to go through life alone. We need to lift each other up, encourage one another. My friends are a huge part of my life. I couldn’t get through a single day without my girlfriends. Support and love the women God brings into your life. They are a precious gift.


Do to others as you would have them do to you.  Luke 6:31 (NIV)

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:12-13 (NIV)

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  John 15:12-13


“We Need Each Other” by, Sanctus Real YouTube

“We Need Each Other” by, Sanctus Real Spotify